What Is Gaslighting?

Recognising Emotional Manipulation in Relationships

You may have heard the term gaslighting used in conversations about relationships, but what does it actually mean? Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone deliberately or unconsciously causes another person to doubt their own thoughts, feelings, or reality. Over time, it can leave a person feeling confused, powerless, and unsure of themselves.

The term originates from the 1940s play and film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into questioning her sanity by dimming the gas lights in their home and denying the change.

Understanding Gaslighting

Gaslighting often starts subtly. The manipulator may twist facts, dismiss your emotions, or shift blame, creating a cycle where you begin to question your own perception of reality.

Common examples of gaslighting include:

• Denying facts or events: “That never happened—you’re imagining it.”

• Twisting your words: “You’re overreacting” or “You’re too sensitive.”

• Shifting blame: “It’s your fault I acted this way.”

• Withholding attention or communication: Pretending not to understand or refusing to listen.

• Undermining confidence: Questioning your memory, judgment, or ability to make decisions.

  
  

Gaslighting can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, or even professional settings.

Why Gaslighting Happens

Gaslighting is often used to gain power and control over another person. It can be intentional, such as in narcissistic or abusive relationships, but sometimes it happens unconsciously, when someone is avoiding accountability or conflict.

Regardless of intent, gaslighting leaves the other person feeling destabilised and unsure of themselves.

The Impact of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can have serious and long-term effects on a person’s mental and emotional wellbeing. People who experience gaslighting often report:

• Anxiety, confusion, or self-doubt

• Difficulty trusting their own judgment

• Emotional dependency on the manipulator

• Low self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness

• Isolation from friends or family

  
  

These effects can make it challenging to recognise healthy boundaries or maintain secure relationships.

How to Respond to Gaslighting

If you suspect you’re being gaslit, there are steps you can take to protect yourself:

1. Keep a record of events. Writing down conversations or incidents can help you trust your memory.

2. Talk to trusted people. Sharing your experiences with friends, family, or a counsellor provides perspective and validation.

3. Set clear boundaries. Decide what behaviour you will and won’t accept, and communicate this to the other person.

4. Seek professional support. Counselling can help rebuild self-confidence, recognise unhealthy patterns, and develop coping strategies.

   
   

How Counselling Can Help

Relationship or individual counselling provides a safe space to:

• Understand the patterns of gaslighting in your relationship

• Rebuild trust in your own perception and decisions

• Develop strategies to communicate boundaries effectively

• Heal from emotional abuse and restore confidence

  
  

Recognising gaslighting is the first step toward reclaiming your sense of reality and self-worth.

Final Thoughts

Gaslighting is more than a disagreement—it is a pattern of manipulation that undermines your confidence and emotional wellbeing. By recognising the signs, seeking support, and establishing healthy boundaries, you can protect yourself and rebuild trust in yourself and your relationships.

If you suspect you’re experiencing gaslighting, relationship counselling or therapy can provide guidance, validation, and practical tools to help you regain clarity and emotional strength.